Keeping it Real

Can I confess something personal? Sometimes I cruise around the blogosphere and I get jealous. Some bloggers have such perfect-seeming lives and stunningly beautiful blogs, and cool houses and exotic vacations. Their blogs are adorned by professional photos and and adored by tons of readers and I start to wonder why I'm even doing this. How can I even compete? Is my life boring? Does my blog suck?

I realize blogs are edited versions of people's lives, and that many of the blogs I admire are full-time, fully-staffed professional enterprises that have been around for years and that comparing my new hobby to their business is apples and oranges. I also understand that even if they're not professional blogs I'm comparing myself to, someone will always be better, skinnier, and generally more perfect, and that in the end, I can only be me. But I do start feeling insecure about my lil ol' Besos and Bubbly.

So tonight, I went back to this post, my blog's blueprint. This was one of my earliest posts, and it was written when I was blogging in secret - I hadn't really told anyone about my blog yet. Re-reading it helped me realize something: Whether people are reading or not, I love it here. I spend my days daydreaming about what I might write, looking everywhere for inspiration, and I feel like my eyes are wide open to the beauty around me and the feelings inside me. I feel so much more tuned in to life than I did before I was blogging! Writing in my blog is usually the last thing I do before going to bed, and it's me-time - a chance for quiet reflection and creativity. I really look forward to this space every day and in the end, while it would be cool if my blog were read by millions, I'm writing for me.

My yoga teacher is always saying, "Keep your eyes on your own mat. Don't worry about anyone else's practice. Follow your own journey." Gahh, so hard, but so wise. Her reminder echoes this famous truth:

So tonight, I'll press publish and send this off into the cyber void remembering not to wonder or worry if anyone is reading, or if I'm good enough. Eyes on my own mat.

PS: I am not looking for validation in this post. Just thinking out loud, trying to re-program my blog blueprint in my brain. Thank you for listening to my spontaneous anxious ramblings, if you're reading. Are you reading? Hello? Is anyone reading? Just kidding. Good night.