Saturday, February 9, 2013

All or Nothing

{These words haunt me.}

I've never been a heart half-in kinda girl. When I go for something, I go in all the way, or I'd rather not go in at all. I am not good at mediocrity or grey areas. In some ways, this is positive. I am a passionate Scorpio who gives 110% to everything I do, and this passion pushes me forward, makes me highly focused on a few things, and I am rarely bored. In other ways, it's completely debilitating.  I stop myself from doing things because they won't be perfect, or because they won't have my 'whole heart' in them. Needless to say, structure + planning + organization = I love. Most surprises / spontaneity = Total no-go. Some symptoms of my disorder:

:: Exercise
I won't work-out unless I can do an hour of something that will make me sweat. Half an hour of walking? Not enough. I'd rather just sit on the couch and eat cheese. "I'll just wait for later when I can really get in a good workout," I tell myself.

:: Baking/Cooking
I almost always have to make meals and baked goods from scratch. "Well, if I can't make my homemade salad dressing and a fantastic main for dinner, we might as well just go to In-N-Out," I tell my husband.

:: This blog/journaling in general
"Unless I can spend time writing a well-crafted piece, with a glass of wine in hand, and enough time to really think things through, I won't write at all," explains my lack of posts on here.
Alas, life is so busy. Unless I start allowing myself to write a little bit, I won't write at all.

There is something annoyingly high and mighty, uptight, and unbalanced in all this. I am not sure where this rigidity comes from, but it's insane. From this point on, I am working to edit myself less and live (exercise, bake/cook, blog, etc.) more.

New maxim for 2013:

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